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Why is my toddler acting like a baby again and what should I do? Ignoring: Why it happens and what to do about it ages 3 to 4. Have you seen the name of landmark? Explanation: There is a small white lie here. Meaning, in my opinion it does no one any harm, and in fact spares someone's feelings.
It's both. OP showed us what happened when he responded affirmatively to the Frederick-baptism question. So, apparently, for this couple, it is important not to fall into their trap. But we also want to preserve the friendly atmosphere. We can hopefully recover from any social awkwardness that may be felt by making a friendly connection with the couple.
Note that there is also the option of the sarcastic lie -- which doesn't appeal to me personally. Correct them, every time. Be stubborn but polite. Never let it slide. As they become more insistent, become more recalcitrant. By continuing to call you by a name that you are uncomfortable with they are telling you that their opinion about your name is worth more that your own, which is highly disrespectful, and no-one should every have to put up with that - even if someone does have authority over you such as a boss.
If this were an occasional, accidental misnaming it would be understandable, and forgiveable, but a sustained, deliberate misnaming like this is at best incredibly rude and at worst cruel. If someone objects to your constant corrections, or tells you that they are getting tiresome, you can tell them that being misnamed became tiresome long ago.
When I was a kid everyone who knew us understood that they should come to the back door of the house when visiting. Anyone who broke that rule was told with a smile "Only the Queen gets to use the front door", and no-one ever needed to be told twice. Please don't call me Frederick, I prefer to be called Fred.
People outside of the Commonwealth could change Queen to President or Prime Minister , anyone who is highly unlikely to ever address you in any case.
If you are a religious, and don't believe bringing religion into it will inflame the situation, you could substitute The Pope or Jesus or another icon of your faith. You could even invoke Richard Dawkins or Stephen Hawking if you are atheist. In my experience, the people that question your name and ask for a different, "proper" one believe they have a right to do so, either because.
The name does not seem to fit the expected cultural background and is perceived as "out of place" or. In essence, it conflicts with their idea of what is proper or, in some cases, with what they view as fact more on that later , based on whatever authority they follow. Some are simply more comfortable with the familiar, and reject anything out of the ordinary out of habit. For a few people, this includes nicknames.
They might also just be very curious. People in this category can often be convinced by giving them a narrative of the name's origin or why it's your chosen name. We've often had to tell people. They need a reason to leave their comfort zone, and by offering an explanation, you help them overcome cognitive dissonance and at the same time create associations that might make it easier to remember an unusual for them name. Older folks might also perceive not telling them your birth name as dishonest or impolite.
In this case, a simple. I've met some conservative people very common in civil servants, where the idea is reinforced by their job requirements and culture that didn't differentiate between the letter of the law again, worldly or religious and physical reality.
If the correct someone printed your name on a piece of paper, that was your name, and to disagree was to state an obvious falsehood. In general, people like that do not change, and they know no middle ground. Your best bet is to not even offer them an alternative to the name you gave them, or failing that, remind them, every time, that what they are calling you is not what you want to be called, and if they do not stop, point out that they are being deliberately impolite and ask them why.
From your description, I'm not sure which category your friend's parents fall under. You might not know either. When in doubt, I always assume case 1 and progress "down the ladder" from offering an anecdote, to asking them politely, to confronting them in a factual, not an accusational tone with your view of their actions. If they agree to use your preferred name, great. If they outright refuse, well, they've made their stance clear and you know where you stand.
Maybe I missed it, but I feel like the existing answers are a little too indirect, or maybe meant to be extremely inoffensive. From my perspective though, it is never offensive to ask everybody else to call you what you want to be called.
It is your identity. I make amendments for people having trouble to pronounce my name or dear ones who have their endearing nicknames for me, but the decision who can call me a different name is mine.
So I think this is a perfectly fine answer, avoiding the emphasis on baptism which is theirs, not yours and making your choice clear and unambiguous. My legal name is Frederick, but I prefer not to be called Frederick. Please call me Fred. And whenever mistakes happen and they will happen , take no offense and reiterate "Please do not call me Frederick, I am Fred. It is a matter of respect for a person to respect their choice of what name they identify with. And it is not offensive or disrespectful to request this basic respect for yourself.
EDIT: Reading my own answer I feel like it is not totally clear what I meant: The takeaway is that I believe you need to put emphasis on the fact that you do not want to be called Frederick. Say it as it is and instantly offer Fred as the alternative you prefer. It's not like your name is Tim but you are forcing them to pronounce Jiggeditiggedyboo every time they want to address you. You chose a perfectly appropriate and easy alternative to your full name which should be fine for everyone.
Now you have shifted the framing from them being tricky, to both you being reverent to elders, and also offering to make your bond a little closer by being more colloquial. That's hard to argue with. Now you can deflect any inadvertent read: pushy calls of Frederick with "I doubt he will; he passed four years ago.
Since you say your friend is religous, you can always point out that the biblical Simon is better known by his nickname of Saint "Peter", or that Saul of Tarsus is better known by his nickname of Saint "Paul" An alternative is give a reason why you don't answer to the other name.
Often, names run in families: I had a friend whose name was "David". As was his Father's name. And his paternal Grandfather's. You'd prefer they called you Fred so that you didn't accidentally ignore them when they were trying to get your attention! People will be rude about things sometimes Before you just sit back and take it however I would let them know that you have a strong preference to be called Fred and would prefer not to be called Frederick. I'm not going to give you a specific suggestion for how to do that since there are already some excellent suggestions posted.
If they still insist on calling you the wrong name, then you have to make a choice. Will you set a boundary or not if this person is someone you will not be seeing often then I wouldn't bother; but since that really ticks me off, I would just start calling them names that ought to annoy them:.
This is basically a quick dirty underhanded boundary setting you are letting them understand without actually speaking up for yourself that while they can call you what they like you can do the same thing. If however you want to do the mature thing or you will be seeing them frequently then set a real boundary.
Inform the offending party clearly and frankly that you are not ok with being called Frederick and that while they are free to say whatever they wish you are free to do the same and, if they continue to call you a name which you do not like, then you will do the same.
This may sound like manipulation but it's not; it's simply setting a boundary and letting them know there will be consequences if they cross that boundary. For a better understanding of this principal, read the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend; it's a great book and it explains it a lot better than I can. I have a brother who insists on being called by his middle name; he refuses to answer to any name other than the one he prefers; he will actually ignore you if you call him anything other than the name he likes.
I don't recommend this Maybe because he gave me so many horrid nicknames and I feel it's hypocritical of him Whatever choice you make, it's important for you to understand that when something is happening that you don't like, you have choices, you are not powerless, and even if you chose to do nothing so long as YOU have chosen it and not someone else or more likely the fear of how others perceive you you will be so much happier.
People who insist on calling you one name when you have introduced yourself as another and said it twice Option 1: Live with it. Personally, I used to go by a nickname that had no relation to my given name.
Option 2: As others have said, just keep bringing it up every time they use the wrong name. Option 3: Ask why they insist on using a name you don't like. If they really had some good reason, like, "My daughter was raped and murdered by a man named Fred and it just brings up too many painful memories to say it", I think I'd say okay fine, call me Frederick.
Did they actually say that they thought it was disrespectful to the memory of the saint, or were you just guessing about that? Because it that's it, I'd say, "I agree, it would be disrespectful to refer to Saint Frederick as 'Freddie-baby'. But I'm not the saint, and I don't find it necessary to insist on the same level of respect.
Option 4: Don't answer when they use the wrong name. Make them go to extra effort to get your attention.
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