If you have children, send them on a play date while you relax, talk, and enjoy each other's company. Alone time is just as important as couple time. Everyone needs time to recharge, think, and enjoy personal interests. That time is often lost when you're married, especially if you have kids. Go out with friends, take a class, or do volunteer work, whatever you find enriching. When you're back together with your spouse, you'll appreciate each other even more. You won't agree on everything, but it is important to be fair and respectful during disagreements.
Listen to your spouse's point of view. Try not to get angry and don't let yourself become too frustrated. Walk away and calm down if you need to, then discuss the problem again when you're both in a better frame of mind.
Compromise on problems so that you both give a little. The Internet seems to be especially concerned with figuring out if men are happy in their marriages, but less concerned with whether or not women classify their marriages as good. Like most married people, I spend a lot of time hoping that my actions, thoughts, and words are contributing to the overall health of my marriage.
In fact, I think being able to fight is a sign of a healthy marriage, and I never quite trust a couple when they claim they never disagree. A few weeks ago we asked you guys what you think a good marriage is, and the responses were on point.
I have been with my husband for ten years. But time has proven many times over that we only need to worry about being true to ourselves, and that the ones who proclaim they have perfect relationships the loudest are often just trying to convince themselves. I really thought that they were a terrible match and maybe she should divorce him. Years later, I can see so much more of how they suit each other, how they bring each other joy.
But they decided to keep doing it—it was good enough. Basically, you need to have a good relationship with yourself, before you can expect to have a good relationship with someone else. In fact, this goes for all relationships, but especially in marriage. If you feel bad about yourself and you are expecting your spouse to meet all your emotional and self-esteem needs, this is putting an unreasonable and unrealistic burden on your spouse.
Sooner or later you will be disappointed and then you will feel even worse. When you accept yourself as you are, as a work in progress, your motivation will be to give rather than receive, to love and help, rather than want and need.
The amazing thing is that with such an attitude you usually end up being blessed in return, beyond your expectations. Emotions play such a vital role in our lives every day. They add color to our relationships — both bright and somber colors, positive and negative. The healthy way to experience emotions in marriage is when both partners take full responsibility for their own emotions, without blaming each other, and demanding that their partner meets their emotional needs. People try all kinds of things to counteract their negative emotions, often leading to addictions and compulsions.
In a healthy marriage, emotions are expressed openly and freely, as and when they occur. One of the signs your marriage will last is the prevalence of open, honest and transparent communication in your relationship. Having firm boundaries that are intact and well maintained is one indication of positive marriage fitness.
The first step towards healthy boundaries is figuring out what exactly your boundaries are. This is different for each person and in a marriage, each spouse needs to know their own personal boundaries, as well as their shared boundaries as a couple. This covers any and every area from money to personal space , diet or possessions. Boundaries also need to be communicated very clearly to the one concerned, and when violations occur, it is up to you to take appropriate action.
For example, if you lend money to someone, saying that you want it returned within a month, if that does not happen, you would know not to lend to that person again. Yes, it is possible to have healthy conflicts! In such a case, there is either total apathy or one partner is totally compliant and submissive to the dominating one.
Conflict is inevitable when two completely different and separate human beings decide to live their lives in close proximity and intimacy. Healthy conflict occurs when the issues are addressed, without attacking the person and character of your loved one. In healthy conflicts, the focus is on dealing with the issue and repairing the relationship.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is your ability as a couple to problem-solve as a team. Marriage is healthy when you can have fun together and you look forward to being with your spouse and doing things you enjoy with each other.
While it's relatively easy to ask for help with something practical, it's harder to ask when the help you need is personal.
People who want a successful marriage are willing to ask for help, both because they need help and because they realize their partner will in turn receive a lot in return in terms of self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth. Showing patience is an extraordinary way to let people know we truly care about them. Showing patience--which is another way to show genuine confidence in the other person--is an extraordinary way to let your spouse know you truly believe in him or her.
Researchers at Washington University in St. Louis found that people with relatively prudent and reliable partners tend to perform better at work , earning more promotions, making more money, and feeling more satisfied with their jobs. That's true for men and women: "Partner conscientiousness" predicted future job satisfaction, income, and likelihood of promotion, even after factoring in the participants' level of conscientiousness.
Check out the link for more on how a good partner sets a good example and makes it possible for you to be a better you. We all do some things well. We all--even me--have at least a few strengths, a few good qualities, a few positive traits Think of it this way: It's easy to recognize great employees; after all, they do great things.
But it's very possible that consistent praise is one of the reasons they've become great. People who work to build a successful marriage sometimes see the good in their partners before they see it in themselves--and that can provide the spark that just might help their partners reach their true potential.
Everyone shares. Everyone Likes and tweets. Lives have increasingly become open books. Over time, we've started to feel we have the right to know more about others than we ever did before. But sometimes we don't need to know. Sometimes the best gift we can give is the gift of privacy, of not asking, not prying--yet always being available if and when the other person does want or need to share. We all want to improve, to grow, to succeed People working to build a successful marriage take the time to look for the opportunities their partner might have missed.
They're able to not only know your dreams but to help you work towards those dreams--and to help open doors that might otherwise have remained closed.
0コメント